Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Islam Gobbles Up Christianity In A Hostel Takeover

Mecca - The global corporation Islam, Inc. bought out 51% of Christianity, Ltd. stocks and plans to convert all of the religion's storefronts into mosques. Government regulators are looking into trust violation issues while Muslim spokesperson Mohammed Shoyaib insists that there is no overlap, quality will remain intact and tithing rates will remain steady.

Christianity has a strong base of loyal customers that are predicted to worship only at the mosques that were previously churches and with Imam's that started as pastors or priests. Investors don't believe this will affect the bottom line as the religion's stock prices jumped $2.54 or 5.3% (ISM) in heavy trading.

While patronage remained high in the Americas and Third World, they have seen a steady decline in the lucrative Europe market where Sunday mornings no longer mean a surge in revenue. Also a major factor was the change in actors for the long time media icon "The Pope". While he was touring in sub-Saharan Africa crowds sometimes booed and chanted "Bring back the Polish guy."

Many Christian observers felt that a takeover was inevitable and were just thankful that another religion bought out their belief system. Many of the other entities that have also tried to have a stockholder majority in the religion included the South American nation Venezuela - for diplomatic reasons, Disney - which saw a captive audience in Sunday schools, Cyberdyne Systems - which sought it's long term goal of merging Skynet's artificial intelligence with human religion, and the economic system Capitalism - which has ideological imperatives for monetizing every aspect of human existence.

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