Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Bush Proposes "Preventive" Vet Health Care Plan

*For Immediate Release*

President Bush today revealed a groundbreaking proposal to lower the mounting costs of health care for military veterans by reducing their chance of injury. "For all those who look into long term health care, they know that today's watch word is 'preventive medicine'," Bush said. "If you stop people from getting hurt in the first place, then you don't have to treat them. And the people who can benefit from that the most are the people who are most susceptible to injury - our soldiers!"

The President's bold plan seeks to make sure that today's modern battlefields are a safe and healthy workplace environment for our military. "Just because you're trying cause casualties doesn't mean you have to be a casualty," insists Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. "It's amazing how much money we can save if your average soldier just follows basic OSHA industry standards. Bend with your knees, wear protective goggles while throwing frag grenades, turn on the juice after you attach wires to someone, and for Goodness Sake, give your trigger finger a rest now and again. Carpal tunnel syndrome will only heal if you give it the chance to."

President Bush's proposals go beyond just orthopedic foot insoles. "Recent studies have shown that 95% of workplace accidents occur in areas of high velocity metal," Bush reported. "It is in these areas that caution should be your highest priority. But before entering any of these areas, ask yourself: How much would it cost to taxpayers if I get hurt here? Remember: For every soldier's leg that isn't blown off, that's one more artifical limb we don't have to pay for."



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